Friday, January 4, 2013
by Burt Prelutsky
Far too many people are up in arms over the dreadful economy we are leaving for our kids and grandkids. I used to be one of them. But ever since the youth of America helped saddle us with Obama, not once, but twice, I say it serves them right. These young shmoes are not only convinced there’s a free lunch, but a free breakfast, a free dinner and free healthcare. And, yet, I’m willing to bet, they were just the sort of smug eight-year-olds who delighted in telling their younger siblings that Santa Claus didn’t exist.
Here in California, the little elves at the Public Utility Commission are all set to green light a new left-wing program that would provide the homeless with free cell phones and free phone service so that “they can reach out to possible employment possibilities and stay connected to family.” And let us not overlook those all-important calls to their drug dealers.
To show just how depraved our nation has become, an unmarried Pennsylvania woman with two kids making $25,000-a-year would wind up with a lower standard of living if she were suddenly to begin earning $57,000 because of all the government perks she would have to forego. Only a devout pudding-headed liberal would believe that is a good thing.
Speaking of liberals, in spite of their insisting that anyone who doesn’t see eye-to-eye with Obama is a racist, while ignoring all the vile things they themselves have said about Condoleezza Rice, Ward Connerly and Allen West, I find it interesting that white liberals never elect blacks to Congress. If it weren’t for all those blacks living in the inner cities, does anyone actually believe that the likes of Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, Charley Rangel, John Conyers, James Clyburn, Diane Watson or William Jefferson, would ever be elected to an office higher than master-of-arms of the Mystic Knights of the Sea?
Speaking of Congress, I believe I have finally figured out why people as dense and as boring as John Boehner and Mitch McConnell are the GOP leaders in the House and Senate. I mean, why, when the future of the Party rests with young, funny, well-spoken, charming and photogenic, guys like Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio, have we tied ourselves to those two old Washington stiffs? The only way I can figure it is that both sides have arrived at detente. So long as the Democrats stick with a pair of deadheads like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, the GOP will play fair and do likewise. As usual, the Democrats get the better of the deal. That’s because Reid and Pelosi really are as good as it gets on their side of the aisle. When it comes to left-wingers, sock puppets would be an improvement.
I realize that liberals are convinced that they are not only nicer, but smarter than conservatives. But how can that be when the spokespeople for their side include Michael Moore, Bill Maher, Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, Joy Behar, Frank Rich, Hillary Clinton, Jane Fonda, Juan Williams, Maureen Dowd and Chris Matthews? Even though they insist that all the big brain people are liberals, they still stoop to concocting phony IQ scores in order to prove that Carter, Clinton and Obama, are all geniuses, while Ronald Reagan and the Bushes needed help tying their shoes.
Even when you point out that they’d never win a presidential election if the least accomplished, least principled and least patriotic, people in the nation didn’t vote for them in overwhelming numbers, they persist in claiming they field a much smarter team than Charles Krauthammer, Bernard Goldberg, Dennis Prager, John Bolton, Mark Alexander, Ann Coulter, Paul Ryan, Mark Steyn, Hugh Hewitt, Rush Limbaugh, Antonin Scalia, Michael Medved, Steve Hayes, Laura Ingraham, Mark Levin and Clarence Thomas.
Something that’s bothered me for a long time is why states decided to identify themselves as being north, south or west of some other state. It’s not as if with only 50 states in the Union, we ran out of names. Do we really need two states named Dakota and Carolina or another named West Virginia? Talk about a basic lack of imagination!
Instead of exchanging gifts at Christmas, I wonder how many people would leap at the chance to exchange relatives. I refuse to believe I’m the only one.
Even if Obama hadn’t won re-election, we’d have been reminded that we’re surrounded by liberals because the Darwin Awards are always announced at this time of year. In case you’re unaware of the event, it’s an annual competition of news stories that serve to remind us that Charles Darwin’s “Survival of the Fittest” was merely a theory. These goofballs did make it all the way to adulthood, after all, and, most troubling of all, manage in many cases to reproduce.
Among the finalists in 2012 was a doofus in San Jose, CA, who used a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend’s windshield, and wound up killing himself when the gun accidentally discharged. Another fellow, this one in Alamo, MI, had a friend drive a truck while he hung on underneath so that he could figure out the source of a strange noise. His clothes snagged on something, however, and his friend eventually found him wrapped in the drive shaft. They never did figure out what the noise was.
Proving that the U.S. doesn’t have a monopoly on loons, a guy in Ontario, Canada, was cleaning the bird feeder on his condominium balcony while standing on a wheelchair. When the wheelchair moved, as wheelchairs are wont to do, the birdbrain went over the side.
Joe Vincent, one of my readers in Cordova, Tennessee, reminded me that in 1882, Friedrich Nietzsche stated that “God is dead.” In 1900, God had the opportunity to announce, “Friedrich Nietzsche is dead.”
I don’t believe that anything quite spells out the difference between an unfounded rumor and a fact better than that.
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To read another article by Burt Prelutsky, click here.
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