Friday, July 6, 2012
by Burt Prelutsky
As some of you know,I tried for months to get Team Romney to put me on the writing staff. Although I saw signs of Reagan in Romney’s decency and good nature, the things I didn’t find were those memorable lines in his speeches that conveyed both his sense of humor and his vision for America.
But that was then and this is now. I no longer want to be merely Romney’s speechwriter; I want to be what is known as a senior campaign advisor. I want him to dump this guy Eric Fehrnstrom and give me the job. It’s not just that I’m uncertain whether America can survive another four years of Obama, and it’s not just that I have a five dollar bet on Romney, it’s this gut feeling I have that Fehrnstrom is a mole working for the other side.
The first time I even became aware that this guy existed was when he went on a TV talk show and mentioned an Etch-a-Sketch campaign. The upside is that it hiked sales for the toy, but, unfortunately, it also provided Romney’s primary opponents with a prop with which they pummeled him. At the time, I told my wife that in the future, Romney should make certain that Fehrnstrom is never again allowed to appear on TV and that his future responsibilities be limited to pizza runs for the grown-ups.
Instead, I woke up one morning recently to find this chucklehead insisting that ObamaCare is a penalty, not a tax. Thanks to Chief Justice Roberts, Romney and all the other Democrats running for election this November were handed a campaign issue to end all campaign issues, and Fehrnstrom decided to spend his time trying to defend RomneyCare. Perhaps someone should remind this schmuck that Mitt Romney isn’t running for governor of Massachusetts. Nobody cares what he did there. Except for those people who happen to live in Massachusetts, it’s a non-issue, and, for all I know, those goofballs like RomneyCare.
It does raise the question: What is the difference between a senior campaign advisor and a rutabaga? Answer: The difference is that the rutabaga wouldn’t do everything in its power to sabotage the guy who owns the farm.
Another question is why the Republicans feel this need to employ people with unpronounceable names. I mean, compared to RNC honcho Reince Priebus and senior campaign turncoat Eric Fehrnstrom, “Prelutsky” is as easy as pie.
Although I still believe that in spite of surrounding himself with a certain number of incompetents, Romney will be elected this November, the downside is that the riffraff who answer to Obama won’t simply vanish from the scene. A number of his adjutants, including Jay Carney, will no doubt wind up as big shots in the media. An even larger number will end up in academia, where the likes of Valerie Jarrett, Kathleen Sebelius and Eric Holder, will follow in the footsteps of William Ayers, Bernardine Dohrn, Angela Davis and Van Jones, poisoning the minds of the dumb and easily impressionable with left-wing claptrap.
Speaking of the Obama administration, I just learned that among the nearly 500 people taking their marching orders from Barack and Michelle is someone known as the White House calligrapher. I’m not sure what his duties are, but I imagine this person creates scrolls handed out to the various creeps, cronies and campaign contributors, that presidents inevitably refer to as distinguished friends and guests. For the fancy handiwork, this White House staffer is paid almost $100,000-a-year. Although I don’t know who this person is, I’m certainly willing to bet another five dollars that he’s voting for Obama. And not just once.
Because people are inclined to claim that every presidential election is the most important one in our lifetime, it’s always tempting to dismiss it as mere hyperbole. But when you consider the nature of our enemies, the weapons at their disposal, and our weakened position, both economically and militarily, under Obama, I think this time it’s a legitimate pronouncement.
That is why I am praying that November 6 will be the day that Obama gets his comeuppance. My joy will be unbounded, as it always is when it’s someone other than myself to whom what was coming, finally gets here.
Still, even if Eric Fehrnstrom is sent packing between now and then, I know it won’t be nearly as easy as it should be to defeat Barack Hussein Obama.
Frankly, it’s an inscrutable mystery to me why tens of millions of Americans who have witnessed the radical transformation of America by this former-and-future community organizer are so darn eager for more of the same.
I guess this is simply one of those times when the inscrutable masses definitely should be scrute.
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7-6-12
by Burt Prelutsky
A while back,in an exchange with a reader who took umbrage at my suggesting that liberals were as dumb and as stubborn as mules, he wrote that mules were not only smarter than horses, but that they would only do what they believe is right.
While noting that he didn’t stick up for liberals, I must confess that I never regarded mules as terribly moral creatures. Still, I was willing to grant that it is probably easier to defend them from a moral perspective than your typical liberal college student.
My correspondent replied that he thought college kids were probably smarter than horses, but he allowed that, unless they were carefully raised, they’d believe whatever dumb thing they were told. Moreover, they’d parrot whatever nonsense they heard from their professors and their show biz idols. For good measure, they would argue for a week, employing their infantile logic, on behalf of a cause their parents knew was totally absurd. It was obvious that he spoke from personal experience.
In the end, we agreed that most people would be better off raising either mules or dogs than raising children. For one thing, four-legged creatures tend to be more congenial, more loyal and more grateful, than our offspring…and, what’s more, they never insist on borrowing your car.
Speaking of uncongenial ingrates, if I didn’t sincerely believe that Barack Obama is a menace to the America I love, I could just sit back and be entertained by his endless buffoonery. Unfortunately, even back in 2008, I took him seriously when he promised to radically transform this nation. I recognized that Obama wasn’t merely a politician making idle promises during the course of an election campaign; instead, he was leveling a curse on America.
I swear, at times he reminds me of the sort of person you generally only come across in a sit com. I’m referring to those characters whose foibles are so deeply ingrained that you can always anticipate how they’re going to react in any situation, even what they’re going to say.
The most commonplace examples are man-crazy women, such as the Sally Rogers character portrayed by Rose Marie on The Dick Van Dyke Show or Rue McClanahan’s Blanche Devereaux on Golden Girls, or really stupid, egotistical male characters like Larry Linville’s Major Frank Burns on M*A*S*H or Ted Knight’s Ted Baxter on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.
But going back even further, we’ve also had Bob Hope’s perennial wolf and, most famously, Jack Benny’s miser, who once garnered one of the biggest laughs in radio history ...when his character was approached by a mugger (played by Mel Blanc) demanding “Your money or your life?”When, after a few seconds, the thief repeated his ultimatum, Benny predictably replied “I'm thinking it over!”
In much the same way, I often begin laughing in anticipation as soon as Obama starts talking. For instance, when he was asked, in the wake of Governor Scott Walker’s managing to hang on to his job, whether he regretted not campaigning for Tom Barrett in Wisconsin, I bet I wasn’t the only person who started chortling even before he said, “I was hoping for a different outcome, but, as president, I have a lot of responsibilities.” Perfect. Not even Larry Gelbart or Woody Allen could have written a funnier punch line for the bozo-in-chief.
Even if you didn’t know that Obama had spent the weekend before the Wisconsin recall election speaking at half a dozen campaign fund-raisers in the Midwest, you knew he was going to come up with one of his typical knee-slappers.
As everyone knows by now, Russia, which Obama regards as one of his foreign policy success stories, is providing military helicopters to Syria’s Bashar al-Assad. I can’t begin to imagine why Obama, who has double-crossed Poland and the Czech Republic by depriving them of a promised missile defense system and has volunteered to decrease our nuclear arsenal, has also agreed to buy some of those same Russian helicopters for Afghanistan. Aside from the fact that you would think that Afghanistan could use some of its drug money to pay for its own necessities, the real question is why Obama seems to be constantly doing Putin’s bidding. Is it simply that Putin reminds him of the white father he never had?
The truth is, it would probably take a team of psychiatrists to figure out the demons that drive this guy. After being dumped by father, stepfather and mother, all before he even entered puberty, it’s no wonder he comes across like a toxic combination of Jeremiah Wright and a fruit loop.
Recently, when I heard Michelle Obama tell a crowd of idol worshippers, “We all know who Barack Obama is and we all know what he stands for,” I thought for a wild moment that even she was endorsing Mitt Romney.
Speaking of the First Lady, a friend of mine who lives in Virginia recently let me know that Mrs. Obama had hosted a book-signing in Washington, D.C. What made the event even slightly interesting was that in order to enter the store, every customer had to identify himself with a driver’s license and a Social Security card. You would have thought that such a policy would be deemed unfair to young people and members of minority groups, but apparently that only applies when it comes to voting.
I, for one, take great comfort from the fact that since 1948, four Republican presidents (Eisenhower, Nixon, Reagan, Bush) and only one Democrat, Bill Clinton, have managed to win a second term. It strongly suggests that Americans can occasionally be fooled once by left-wingers, but very rarely twice in a row.
Because I am so convinced that Romney will be elected in November, I resent the fact that there will be a two-and-a-half month lag time between Obama’s defeat and his departure.
Even in the People’s Republic of Santa Monica (CA), it doesn’t take that long to evict a squatter.
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To read more articles by Burt Prelutsky, click here.
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