Burt Prelutsky
Monday, February 6, 2012
It is obvious that when it comes to elections, the Democrats are always looking to game the system. That is why they are always campaigning to give voting privileges to prison inmates and illegal aliens. It also explains why people like Eric Holder make themselves look so foolish when they insist that the use of photo IDs on Election Day discriminates against young people and members of racial minority groups. You know, those very same folks who never seem to have a problem coming up with photo IDs when it comes to buying cigarettes and beer or getting on airplanes.
In fact, the real problem as I see it is that it is far too easy to vote. Any screwball, any crackpot, any drooling jackass, can show up and help determine who will be the President of the United States. I’m not suggesting that voting be limited to the landed gentry or white people or to people whose IQs are above 150. Each of those groups has its fair share of drooling jackasses, after all. But there is surely something terribly wrong with a system that allows people who ignore the political scene until the last possible moment and are then told that previous generations have fought and died so that these numbskulls can go out and vote. Instead of being encouraged to stay home, they are shamed into “doing their duty” when everyone in his right mind knows that the real duty of a citizen of the Republic is to first be informed.
This still being a free society, what previous generations fought and died for was the right not to vote. It’s only in dictatorships that 100% of the people are expected to go out and vote for tyrants like Joe Stalin and Saddam Hussein, and where people are sent to North Korean gulags if they don’t grieve long and hard enough when their dear leaders finally kick the bucket.
In the spirit of improving our system, I have come up with a sample quiz that people should be able to pass if they’re going to be granted voting privileges next November.
1. How large is our national debt?
a. $50 million
b. $100,000,000
c. $15 billion
d. $15 trillion
e. It’s a trick question. There is no such thing as a national debt.
2. Is the National Labor Relations Board one of the three branches of the federal government?
3. What is Harry Reid’s position in the U.S. Senate?
a. sergeant at arms
b. majority leader
c. wizard
d. men’s room attendant
e. there is no such person.
4. Eric Holder holds what cabinet position?
a. attorney general
b. token racist
c. Barack Obama’s best friend
d. president’s caddy
e. lightning rod for the administration.
5. Solyndra is the name of
a. America’s last space shuttle
b. a proposed oil pipeline
c. a defunct solar panel company
d. a vegetable
e. the Obamas’ older daughter.
6. What is Henry Waxman’s most notable accomplishment?
a. voting to continue funding ACORN when even the majority of House Democrats said “enough is enough”
b. chairing the committee investigating the use of steroids in major league baseball while under the impression that Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa were chemists
c. hiring out as a garden gnome for children’s birthday parties
d. winning the “Biggest Nostrils in Washington” competition 30 years in a row
e. all of the above.
7. How long is a senator’s term?
a. two years
b. four years
c. six years
d. eight years
e. 759 years.
8. Where was Barack Obama born?
a. Chicago
b. Hawaii
c. Kenya
d. the brain of George Soros
e. under a cabbage leaf.
9. Nancy Pelosi serves what function in the House of Representatives?
a. tour guide
b. minority leader
c. ideal representative of her gay, lesbian and transgender, constituents
d. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’s role model
e. Henry Waxman’s mistress.
10. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D, FL) plays a major role in the Democratic Party. Is it
a. as the chairwoman of the DNC
b. to constantly remind every Jewish congressman of the last blind date he let his grandmother arrange for him
c. to make the likes of Maxine Waters, Barbara Boxer and Sheila Jackson Lee, seem almost regal by comparison
d. to constantly remind Henry Waxman of the girl that got away
e. all of the above.
The answers: (1) d; (2) No, it only thinks it is; (3) b; (4) a; (5) c; (6) e; (7) according to the Constitution, it’s c, but, for all practical purposes, it’s e; (8) no final determination has yet been made; (9) b,c.d and possibly e; (10) e. In an ideal world, if you scored 90 or 100%, you would be allowed to vote next November. If you scored 70 or 80%, you will probably vote for Obama, but it’s still a free country, if not an ideal world, and I guess there’s no way to stop you. If you scored below 70%, you will no doubt get lost on the way to your polling place, thereby earning the gratitude of a grateful nation.
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