The Night before Christmas (Senate Version)

The Night before Christmas (Senate Version)
Posted by: Townhall.com Staff at 8:00 AM

...from a Townhall reader, with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore.

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Senate

The liberals were stirring, even Sen. Bennett (D. CO);

Our freedoms were being hung out by Harry,

In hopes that his health bill would not be buried;

The liberals were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of takeovers danced in their heads;

Doctors in lab coats and I with my spouse,

Settled down for our Christmas at our house,

When up in DC there arose such a clatter,

I sprang to the web to see what was the matter.

Away to my laptop I flew like a flash,

Turned on the screen in less than a dash.

The news all over Townhall and Redstate

Gave a lustre of horror to looming health-gate,

When, what to my Googling eyes should appear,

But a new amendment, eight politicos so near,

With their Nevada Leader, so mean and leary,

I knew right away must be dingy Harry.

Like Cash for Cloture his floor pawns they came,

He whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Carper! Now, Dorgan! Now, Schumer and Durbin!

On, Boxer! On Feingold! On, Murray and Nelson!

To the top of the agenda! To the Chamber on the Mall!

Now pass it all! Pass it all! Pass through it all!"

As politicians ‘fore elections fly,

Meet an unpopular mandate, and lie, lie, lie,

So up to the floor the Leader’s pawns flew,

For a bill full of payoffs, and Harry Reid too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on Fox News

The prancing and bragging of Senators’ views.

And as we tried to enjoy our peaceful Christmas,

Harry went to the floor and gave such a hiss.

Dressed all in bribes, from his head to his foot,

His demeanor was tarnished all with corrupt soot;

A bundle of tax dollars was flung on his back,

He looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they narrowed! His ambition nefarious!

His cheek was unlimited, his manner acrimonious!

Harry’s mean mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the gleam in his eyes was as bright as the snow;

The Senate’s old rules he held tight in his fist,

And as he twisted them Mitch grew more piss’d;

His character and tactics were downright smelly,

He smirked and laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was dried up and corrupt, a right nasty old elf,

And I shuddered to see him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Gave me to know I’d everything to dread;

His words stumbled like O’s but he went straight to work,

And filled the wallets of Senators wanting perks,

Then laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, from the floor he rose;

Sprang to his podium, gave his team a whistle,

And the bill flew through like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he ruined our night,

"Here’s a lump of coal for all, and for all a Christmas fright."