Friday, September 2, 2011

Voting’s Not As Easy As It Looks

Voting’s Not As Easy As It Looks
Thursday, September 1, 2011
by Burt Prelutsky

Although I’m still not certain if I would have voted to raise the debt ceiling, I am one of those who believe the Tea Party movement deserves a shout-out for forcing the politicians -- Democrats and Republicans, alike -- to acknowledge that the nation is headed down the fiscal drain.

You should realize that when Republicans such as Michele Bachmann and Rand Paul voted against the measure, it was because the spending cuts were both small and vague, whereas when such liberal stalwarts as Henry Waxman, Charley Rangel, Barney Frank, Maxine Waters and sex offender David Wu, voted “No,” it was because they can’t abide any legislation that doesn’t increase revenue, fees or whatever other euphemism the Left is using for “taxes” this week.

It is high time for people to acknowledge that whereas certain generalities apply to nearly all politicians, ranging from greedy, egotistical and boring to boring, egotistical and greedy, there remains a world of difference between Democrats and Republicans. And whether someone is a perfect conservative or a -- gasp! RINO -- when noses are counted after the 2012 elections, if the GOP wins the Oval Office and assumes the majority in the Senate, we will finally see the adults taking control of America’s spendthrift ways. At least we will if the racist, terrorist, hostage-taking members of the Tea Party movement continue to remind our representatives that the Constitution trumps special interests and that there are millions of votes out here that don’t have to be bought and paid for, but merely earned.

Speaking of voters, anyone who opposes the issuance of national I.D. cards to Americans as a means of establishing a citizen’s right to vote is nothing more or less than a demagogue. We have to identify ourselves every time we cash a check, rent a video or board an airplane, but these swinish left-wingers would have you believe that illegal aliens have the same rights and privileges you do. Of course they say the same thing about Muslim jihadists. That’s because their political agenda is not only antithetical to American principles, but antithetical to logic and commonsense.

In addition to a national I.D. number, if I had my druthers, I would raise the voting age to 26. If you’re still covered by your parents’ insurance policies, you’re not an adult. The only exceptions to the rule would be young people serving in the military. I would also require those people who aren’t old enough to collect Social Security to prove they pay income taxes. If there is a screwier notion than allowing those who pay no income taxes to vote for those in a position to force those of us who do pay them to pay even more for the benefit of those who don’t pay any, I don’t want to hear about it. I’m sure it would make my head explode.

Finally, I would insist that anyone who wishes to cast a ballot prove he can read English by passing a basic civics exam. If you don’t know who George Washington was and you have no idea what the Bill of Rights is, you have no God-given right to cancel out the vote of someone who does.

I mean, for crying out loud, you have to pass a written test and prove you can parallel park to get a driver’s license. In order to vote for our political leaders, shouldn’t you have to prove anything beyond the fact that you’re still alive and breathing -- or, in the case of Chicago elections, that you were ever alive and breathing?

Oh, No, Obama!
Monday, August 29, 2011
by Burt Prelutsky

Recently, in my morning email, I received a fake quiz. It consisted of 10 quotes and I was being asked to figure out which of the quotes should be attributed to Sarah Palin, Dan Quayle, Barack Obama or George W. Bush. It wasn’t hard to guess that Obama was the source for all 10. The joke, of course, was that, according to liberals, Palin, Quayle and Bush, are all dunces, whereas Obama has been widely praised by nincompoops in the media for his brilliance and eloquence.

So, now, with no further ado, I take great delight in presenting the brilliant, eloquent and charismatic, Barack Obama:

“Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s.”

“I‘ve now been in 57 states, I think, one left to go.”

“On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes, and I see many of them in the audience here today.”

“What they’ll say is, ‘Well it costs too much money,’ but you know what? It would cost, about…It, it, it would cost about the same as what we would spend. It. Over the course of 10 years it would cost what it costs us. (nervous laugh) All right. Okay. We’re going to. It, it would cost us about the same as it would cost for about, hold on one second. I can’t hear myself. But I’m glad you’re fired up, though. I’m glad.”

“The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies, to our health care system.”

“I bowled a 129. It’s like, it was like the Special Olympics or something.”

“Of the many responsibilities granted to a president by our Constitution, few are more serious or more consequential than selecting a Supreme Court justice. The members of our highest court are granted life tenure, often serving long after the presidents who appointed them. And they are charged with the vital task of applying principles put to paper more than 20 centuries ago to some of the most difficult questions of our time.”

“Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment, and a breathalyzer, or inhalator, not a breathalyzer. I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours.”

“It was interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There’s a lot of I don’t know what the term is in Austrian, wheeling and dealing.”

“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”

Now, being a fair-minded person, I will be the first to admit that over the years, I have on occasion found my mouth working somewhat independently of my brain. But, unlike Barack Obama, nobody has ever suggested that any of my speeches have rivaled the Gettysburg Address or the Sermon on the Mount, and nobody in the mainstream media has ever even reported that, when extemporizing, he not only says goofier things than Joe Biden, he says goofier things than Abbott and Costello.

This is the same marvelous spellbinder who, while reading a speech, repeatedly pronounced “Marine Corps” Marine Corpse. Can you imagine what Chris Matthews, Bill Maher and the feature writers at the NY Times, would have made of that verbal faux pas if it had been uttered by Palin, Bachmann or their favorite human piƱata, George W. Bush?

Instead of insisting that Obama is Daniel Webster, William Jennings Bryan and Marc Antony, all wrapped up in one golden-tongued orator, liberals would be better off giving a standing ovation to his eloquent, brilliant and charismatic, Teleprompter.

To read another article by Burt Prelutsky, click here.

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