By John Hawkins
8/28/2012
1) America's credit rating would get so low that it would force President Dennis Kucinich to petition the UN for donations to pay for Social Security, Medicare, and his newly implemented 350 weeks of unemployment plan.
2) There wouldn't be a Pledge of Allegiance said in schools, no one would sing the Star Spangled Banner before any sporting event, and no one would celebrate the 4th of July.
3) Gas would cost $9 a gallon. Liberals would consider this a plus because it would cause more people to get tax credits to buy government subsidized $40,000 electric cars.
4) Seven year olds would be able to vote. Free candy and endorsements from cartoon characters would become a staple of campaigning.
5) The corporate tax rate would be 15 percent higher, most American workers would be unionized and tax rates would soar. As a result, our economy would be stagnant and our unemployment rate would permanently be in the 10-20% range.
6) Prison sentences would be short, crime would be rampant, and the police would be so undermanned and tied down with regulations that they wouldn't even bother to lock people up for committing crimes like burglary..
7) There would be price controls on electricity, gasoline, and most household goods. Of course, there would also be regular shortages of electricity, gasoline, and most household goods.
8) Children would be taught to be androgynous, gender-confused weirdos in school rather than risk exposing them to "gender stereotypes."
9) Conservatism would be considered hate speech that could draw a massive fine or even jail time for repeat offenders.
10) The good news is that housing would be free. The bad news is that it would mostly be in ugly cement buildings with drug addicts, former homeless people, the severely mentally ill, and career criminals peppered all through the complex for the sake of "diversity."
11) Wearing a cross, mentioning the Bible, or advocating Christian beliefs anywhere outside of a church would be illegal because it might "offend people."
12) Meat, 32 ounce sodas, and trans fats would be illegal. Crack, meth, and heroin would be legal.
13) America's military would be so weak we'd have to rely on Mexico and Canada to defend us from potential threats.
14) The Israelis would be driven into the sea, Taiwan would be swallowed by China, and Russia would begin to gobble up the countries that broke free after the Soviet Union fell.
15) Not only would partial birth abortions be legal, but a mother would be allowed to kill her child for three months after he’s born without penalty.
16) Stopping sex offenders from teaching school or adopting children would be considered discriminatory.
17) Activists would be able to sue on behalf of individual plants and animals in court.
18) The government would control health care top-to-bottom. It would take six months to get an operation, which would be considered a feature, not a bug because a lot of old people would die in the interim and save the government money.
19) Only government employees would be able to legally own guns.
20) Income inequality would be nearly eradicated after all the rich Americans and big corporations fled the country rather than pay confiscatory tax rates.
21) Wal-Mart would only be allowed to hire union employees and completely coincidentally, their prices would double.
22) We'd have open borders and so many illegal aliens in the southern United States that California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas would end up being ceded back to Mexico.
23) There would be a free, in-house abortion clinic in every junior high in America.
24) President Kucinich's new idea to help deal with the soaring jobless rate? Paying workers the new minimum wage, $80,000 a year, to dig holes and fill them back up.
25) The federal government would spend 134 billion dollars replacing the current Presidents on Mount Rushmore with Gloria Steinem, Harvey Milk, Cesar Chavez, and Margaret Sanger.
Also see, 25 Examples of What America Would Be Like if We Were All Christian Conservative Tea Partiers
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