Thursday, July 28, 2011

Hunting for Liberals

Hunting for Liberals
Thursday, July 28, 2011
by Burt Prelutsky

Occasionally, I find myself wondering why liberals are so terrified of the Second Amendment. After all, even though most criminals are Democrats, they don’t exclusively target Republicans. Liberals are just as likely to be mugged and to have their homes invaded, so why is it that this great divide exists between the Right and the Left on the issue of gun ownership? I have come to suspect it’s because liberals realize that in a saner society, we would be encouraged to hunt them for their pelts.

The reason I believe we’re in Libya is because Obama and his minions decided that the enemies of our enemy -- in this case, Gaddafi – must be our friends. It was a similar mistake that FDR made during WWII, when he took the Soviet Union to his bosom, ignoring the fact that the biggest difference between Stalin and Hitler was the size of their mustaches.

When Obama attacked “millionaires and billionaires” in the speech in which he seemed to suggest that if we would only get rid of those tax deductions on corporate jets, all of our financial woes would be over, I couldn’t help wondering if any of his millionaire and billionaire chums took his remarks to heart. I mean, Warren Buffet, Ted Turner, Bill Gates, Jeffrey Immelt, George Soros, Barbara Boxer, Steven Spielberg, Dianne Feinstein, Michael Bloomberg, Barbra Streisand, George Clooney, Tom Hanks, Paul McCartney and Oprah Winfrey, are the richest people I can think of off the top of my head, and they are all rabid liberals. Just who the heck was Obama talking about?

In addition to all that, no corporate executive spends nearly as much time jetting around as Obama and his missus, and those two freeloaders don’t even pay for their own soft drinks and honey-roasted peanuts.

Sometimes I wonder how Joe Biden feels about all the work his boss dumps in his lap. While Obama gets to jet around to gala fund-raisers and golf to his heart’s content, there’s good old Joe busy overseeing the 2011 summer of recovering from the 2010 summer of recovery.

A friend of mine who used to reside in San Francisco retired to Arizona, where he went hoping that the dry, clean air and dry, clean people, would help restore his sanity. Living in L.A., as I do, I keep hoping that it’s not already too late to restore my own. Every so often, he and I compare notes regarding the Bay Area dodos and the loons who inhabit my neck of the woods. The major difference, we agree, is that the odd birds in the north tend to nest and mate with those of their own gender, which suggests they could eventually disappear. That, by itself, makes them preferable to their southern cousins.

Finally, I’d like to address those conservatives who write to me insisting that it would be better if Obama gets re-elected than if someone they regard as a RINO garners the GOP nomination. These people reside in a fantasy land where Ronald Reagan is standing in the wings each time we get stuck with a Jimmy Carter clone. They would do well to understand that elections have consequences, which are not always predictable, but are often extremely dire.

But voting for the worst candidate -- or staying home while others vote for the worst -- while hoping for the best, is not only dumb, but when the risk is four more years of Obama, treasonous.

Will November 6, 2012 Ever Arrive?
Monday, July 25, 2011
by Burt Prelutsky

In case you haven't caught on yet, I can’t wait for the next election to roll around. It’s less than 500 days off, but with Barack Obama in the White House and Michelle and her relatives jetting around the world on our dime – or, rather, our millions of dimes – it feels more like 500 years.

Because we didn’t celebrate Christmas in my Jewish home, I wasn’t one of those kids who counted off the days until December 25. The closest I ever came to that sort of excruciating anticipation was when I was in grammar school and summer vacation was on the horizon. I would start scratching off weeks, days, hours and finally minutes, in my notebook.

Even though I have lived through the likes of LBJ, Nixon, Carter, Clinton and the Bushes, I have never wanted to see a White House eviction as much as I do now.

I keep hearing George W. Bush in my head, saying, “When Obama came along with all that Hope and Change malarkey, I said to myself, ‘That fella’s all smoke and no barbecue,’ as we say down in Crawford. But when he kept Gitmo and the border open, expanded the war in Afghanistan, went into Libya, okayed military tribunals, renewed the Patriot Act, expanded my prescription drug plan into ObamaCare and inflated the national debt beyond my wildest dreams, I said to Laura, ‘He’s my kind of guy.’”

Speaking for myself, though, I can’t see Obama’s appeal. To me, he seems arrogant, narcissistic, dour, lazy, thin-skinned and humorless. I mean, just how far down the food chain would somebody have to be to look up to Barack Obama? I mean, Jack Kennedy said he sought the Oval Office because he wanted to be where the action is. At the time, most people were unaware that he and, later, Bill Clinton weren’t always referring to political action. But Obama, who has made it a signature of his administration to hand off important matters to Pelosi, Reid and even Joe Biden, seems to regard gala events, vacations and fund-raisers, as more than enough action to keep this community organizer occupied.

I once jokingly suggested that the notion of hard work being virtuous was a con game perpetrated on the rest of us by those who had inherited or married their money. But, clearly, it’s a notion that Obama has taken to heart. Whether it’s because, as a beneficiary of affirmative action, he not only got into prestigious schools and, at Harvard, was elected editor of the Law Review, where he made history by never writing a single article, he is not a sterling example of hard work paying dividends. This is the nation’s leader, after all, who left it up to Pelosi and Reid to concoct the trillion dollar stimulus and assigned the administration’s mascot, Joe Biden, the man who has replaced Alfred E. Neuman as the iconic face of gross stupidity, to keep America from financial ruin.

The toughest decisions Obama makes are which club to use on the 16th par-five and, of course, what topping he wants on his pizza.

Finally, I must confess that I was amused during the aftermath of the Navy Seals taking out Osama bin Laden when politicians and pundits kept stumbling over the similarity between his name and the president’s. It occurred to me that there was a very easy way to avoid the embarrassment, and that was to keep in mind that one of them was a threat to our nation’s security, a dedicated enemy of Israel and, in his heart, regarded America as the Great Capitalistic Satan, and the other guy was at the bottom of the ocean.

To read another article by Burt Prelutsky, click here.

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